Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize