I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
