i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
