A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a hot homeless man
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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