...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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