they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
