My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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