I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
