when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
