I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
