I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
