Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
