i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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