If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize