I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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