Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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