We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
