Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
