YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
