His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
