oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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