i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he thought i was a dude.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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