I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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