mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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