She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need moral support for this bender
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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