...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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