You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
