I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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