I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
