I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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