I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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