I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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