How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
