i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
