Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
