I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize