whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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