so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
