you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
