I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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