Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
