im six kinds of drunk right now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
