I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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