this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the day after is always just damage control
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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