hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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