He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
