I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
