I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
