i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
