i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
