I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
