it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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