I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
