i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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