the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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