When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
