It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
