i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
