Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
