I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
