My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
too bad you live with your parents still
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Randomize
