She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
