A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
