So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
