I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
