big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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