bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
did i just pee glitter
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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