New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
