Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
