His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
