let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
