Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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