i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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