omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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