even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
