Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
