ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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