I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
