Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize