did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
