I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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