Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
