come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize