everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Boobs speak an international language.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
