you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
