no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
